this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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