successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
