So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
