Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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