Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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