once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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