I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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