Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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