I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.