shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
