So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
