wat bout pragnant strippers??
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
