People with herpes should wear stickers.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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