2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
