i think i have herpe
just one?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
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Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
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I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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