I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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