And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
