So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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