i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
