in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
