so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
worst night to have a conscience
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
We just shotgunned beers for America
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
