Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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