He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
