ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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