Yo dont text me then not text me
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
