I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
