Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
