Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
