yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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