I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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