I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
