they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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