she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
