just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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