I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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