oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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