i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
