Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
We need a shit load of segways right now
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
