If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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