There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
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so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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