The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
