So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
You took a bar mat shot.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
