I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
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