I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
