Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
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I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
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We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize