I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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