people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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