Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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