never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Randomize
