so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
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