I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
