Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
