The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Umm I'm too high to move.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
