You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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