You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
