Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
