do herpes really smell.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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