I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
