WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize