woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
