Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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