"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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