You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
