I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
