I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
