No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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