Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
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I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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