Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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