he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
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I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
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A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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