It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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