He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
