I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Randomize
