I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize