Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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