Porn is love you can see.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
